What are we doing?

September 24th, 2002

Producing Dutch MastersTM, since anybody can produce Dutch MastersTM, given a Holland and a Coolpix 4500TM:



And, in disconcertingly conservative times and mosque-defamation ("Islam out" and "Allah's a pig", both painted on a mosque wall in Haarlem over this weekend), I say: "Not so!".

More islam innit! See, anybody can see that Allah's more of a lamb, with a Coolpix 4500TM. A stupid bastard is a stupid bastard, whether he speaks Moroccan, prays in the direction of Mecca and shortly after proceeds to rape young indigenous girls in Amsterdam's Westerpark, or goes around secularizedly bald in a bomberjacket-full-of-rhunes, besmirching a mosque with shortsightedness. And you don't expel a stupid bastard. Not when he carries an NL-passportTM. Or you shouldn't have given it to him in the first place. Otherwise I won't want mine anymore either, you know, I'll go and get myself an Afghan one instead, or something.

Simply lock up bastards, and start by creating room for that by not putting the six grandpas, arrested for drunkenly driving their tractors, with whom I once spent a week in an institution for short-term convicts, in there. Ridiculous. I myself was in there for an administrative offence, and this was equally ridiculous, but since I am partial to that particular conflict I shall refrain from going into it. Those grandpas, however, spent their week, at the expense of the State of the NetherlandsTM, playing cards and drinking gin, since they were officiallyTM too old to work. And once home the first thing they did was mount their tractors, in totally pissed condition, 'cause you know, the hay must be brought in. Hips. There, that's Holland for ya.

Just fine these farmers, and lock up those skinheads. Is what I'd say. But then. Who am I.

I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy who, in times like these, can only be made to broadly smile by a real Lederhosen-picture from Seefeld, AustriaTM, the village where I haven't walked this year either, to my great regret (I had planned for this, but finances wouldn't allow).

One beer (1) to the person who correctly identifies the guy in the picture. Single Bens are barred from participation, lots shall be drawn between correct entries, and there will be no correspondence about the outcome.